Producer Hints that Next 007 Will be a Giraffe

We’ve all heard rumours that the next James Bond might be a woman, but nobody was prepared for the latest subtle hint from long-term producer Barbara Broccoli that the next actor to step into the shoes of the iconic British secret agent might be a giraffe.

Others working on the latest installment in the long-running Bond movie franchise were quick to refute claims that the role has only been given to a giraffe in order to generate headlines.

“We do a lot of casting calls and at the end of the day the best actor will win the role. If that happens to be a giraffe then so be it.”

A giraffe tasting the air with its mouth proboscis yesterday

James Bond, aka 007, the suave, sexist super-spy has long been played by handsome male actors with hairy chests and an equity card. But a recent poll revealed that the old fashioned values for which Bond stands are no longer relevant or even appropriate.

Jenny Cave, spokeswoman for the National Institute of Getting Really Edgy About Things, said in a statement today,

“Modern society has moved on from the outmoded bigotry and thoughtless sexism, racism and inequality of the 20th century. Modern movie-goers want to see a new, progressive, inclusive and socially aware Bond so that they can forget about the horrors of the past and wipe the memory of any date before 2000 from their collective mind. I welcome the notion of a creature of non-human origin playing any part in any movie. Let’s see inclusivity for all colours, genders and species.”

Daniel Craig, whose unusually broad shoulders and bizarrely mishapen head won him the role of Bond in the 2015 movie, Spectre, has announced that his next 007 outing, No Time to Die, will be his last:

“I’m due to read the bedtime story on CBeebies and I need all my energy to prep for the gig, so it’s time for someone else to make the Bond role their own. If that’s a giraffe then I wish that giraffe all the best.”

Barbara Broccoli and Daniel Craig share a joke about sausages

The giraffe chosen to don the trademark dinner suit and climb into the latest Bond supercar is thought to be based at Folly Farm Adventure Park & Zoo. No press statement has yet been released by the park as to the giraffe’s name or credentials and producers are keeping the details under their hats.

Barbara Broccoli who has worked as a producer on every Bond movie since Goldeneye recently hinted at giving the role to an animal (possibly with beige fur covered in brown spots) when she said that she is “not interested in a woman Bond” and went on to say that the actor who plays the backwards thinking over-sexed MI5 agent “can be of any colour”.

She said: “Bond can be of any colour, but he is male. I’m not interested in taking a male character and having a woman play it.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s