The UK Chancellor Rishi Sunak today announced plans to unveil superfast broadband across the entire country, with an investment of £1 billion in taxpayer money going directly into the pockets of super rich broadband emperors and mobile phone overlords.
In a clever move which some are describing as ‘outrageous hypocrisy’, Mister Sunak revamped a socialist Labour idea suggested by Jeremy Corbyn to improve the UK’s ailing broadband network (one which was ridiculed as impractical and communist by the campaigning Conservatives at the time).
Instead of making fast and accessible broadband a priority for even the most remote corner of the country, Sunak instead focused on stuffing enormous wads of taxpayer cash into the pockets of his cocaine-addled London business friends.
A spokesperson for the Conservatives told The Daily Shunt: “Sunak opened the door on the vault which contains taxpayer money and literally had the world’s biggest wank. He was still smiling six hours later after spending the entire afternoon on his phone talking to 4G companies. I’m not saying they’ve promised him a little back hander, but well… it’s only money isn’t it. Just sitting there gathering dust. I’m sure the taxpayers don’t want it anymore or they wouldn’t have given it to us.”