Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Sighted in Stevenage

The four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as prophesied in the New Testament’s Revelations, have been sighted riding past a Lidl in Stevenage.

Eye witnesses saw War, Famine, Death and Pestilence galloping along the A1 before taking the Jubilee Road, creating a tailback which drivers described as ‘biblical’.

The horsemen, who are believed to be harbingers of the end of days, and who are described in Christian mythology as the omens of apocalypse, appeared to get lost at the St Martin’s roundabout before riding off along the A1072 toward Great Ashby.

The Lidl at Stevenage where the biblical entities were sighted

Witness to the event, Alfred Keech, said, “I heard galloping and a host of trumpets did ring out across the sky. The seals opened and dark clouds rolled in, portending the coming of the end of all things. It was quite surprising. I nearly dropped my bag for life.”

Experts suggest the horsemen were either heralding the coming doom of our age or they were looking for Letchworth Garden City and took a junction too early.

Dave Forester, who works for Stevenage council’s road management team, said, “it’s entirely possible the horsemen were trying to avoid rush hour traffic at the Little Wymondley roundabout and decided to cut through Stevenage. I sincerely hope that wasn’t the case because St Martin’s road gets really clogged at that time of day, so they’d be cutting their noses off to spite their faces. Assuming they have faces. And noses.”

Stevenage town centre pre-lock down

Theologian Terry Thacker had a different theory, “it sounds to me as if they were heading for Stansted. Taking the St Martin’s road would be a way to cut a corner off. If they were trying to get to Letchworth they were taking a very circular route. The council’s theory sounds like nonsense.”

Councillor Simon Speller, who is also the mayor of Stevenage, said, “that makes sense to me. A lot of people heading for Stansted will go through Bishop’s Stortford via Stevenage. Unless you’re coming up the M11, obviously, then you’d need the B1256 junction and Takeley Street.”

As black clouds roiled in the skies above Stevenage and bolts of lightning strafed the hills around Great Dunmow, the people of Stevenage last night remained largely sceptical of the sighting, with local taxi driver Alan Becker saying, “Takeley Street for Stansted? Don’t make me laugh. Nobody in their right mind would head for Stansted via St Martins. Sounds to me like they were lost and should have asked for directions. Clearly they didn’t have a sat nav.”

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