The number of ‘little Hitlers’ in Britain is on the rise, a new study has found.
The Urban Dictionary describes a little Hitler as ‘a self-important tosspot who thinks they are in charge. Someone who makes up arbitrary and/or self-serving rules and has a tantrum if they aren’t obeyed.’
Head of the study, Jeremy Spring, wrote, “as police up and down the country enforce stricter guidelines designed to combat the spread of Covid 19, more and more members of the public are taking it upon themselves to act like an extension of the police.”
Spring went on to explain the phenomenon. “It gives them a power buzz. Enforcing the rules to keep people safe is less important to them than bossing other people about.”
Felicity Pegg, a supermarket checkout assistant from Quedgeley enthused on her newfound powers,
“It’s my job to stand outside Sainsburys and tell shoppers they can only come in alone, not in pairs or groups. If they get funny I threaten to call the filth. We can’t actually do that, but it’s the principle of the thing innit. They soon fall into line. I haven’t had this much power since I found out Janice on till 5 was shagging the floor supervisor.”
Bill Ogden, a self-confessed curtain twitcher from Wadebridge told the Daily Shunt that he’s “keeping a list and checking it twice” of all the families daring to walk further than 100 metres when they take their daily exercise.
“They know it too. They give me dirty looks but I just hold up the phone, indicating I’ll call the pigs if they don’t scurry back to their miserable little nests. I know there’s no actual limit on how far you’re supposed to walk but it’s the principle of the thing.”
Glenda Harries, who owns a field behind her house, took to the internet to name and shame walkers in her local area who had the audacity to lean on her gate and take in the splendid view of cows grazing in the field.
Harries said, “bunch of selfish bastards. I’ve had to disinfect that gate ten times in the last twenty four hours because they can’t keep their foul, germ infested flesh to themselves. Not that I use the gate, but it’s the principle of the thing.”
The apparent rise of latter day ‘Jew Hunters’ has been denounced by the police who today warned members of the public not to take the law into their own hands. However, this statement was accompanied by a wink and the addendum, “if our plain clothes comrades do see neighbours, friends and family flouting the rules, we urge them to get in touch. PPE might be in short supply but we’re still fully stocked with truncheons.”