“UK Not a Police State Unless We Say it is” Say UK Police

The British Metropolitan police, newly renamed as the Ministry of Social Burden, today insisted that we are not living in a ‘police state’ until they tell us we are.

The announcement came after the Derbyshire force deployed drones to spy on couples walking in the Peak District and police up and down the country were accused of inconsistencies in the way they enforce government guidelines for a public lock-down.

Former Police Commissioner Cressida Dick, now known as Comrade Dick, First Minister for Correct-Thought, said in a statement today, “we are not in a police state until I say we are. The news about police being heavy handed and giving out excessive fines is false-speak. The proletariat should follow ruling class guidelines and remain locked in their shelter-units.”

A Comrade in the Newly Renamed ‘Ministry of Social Burden’ enforces social distancing

Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care, seemed to contradict police guidelines during BBC Question Time on Thursday when he said, “driving somewhere to take your daily exercise or walk the dog is fine. That’s fine.”

The MP’s words were dismissed by police as “wrong-thought caused by the Communist viral infection which Mister Hancock has been suffering from for 6 days”.

As members of the public are denied the inalienable right to freedom of movement, forced to queue for entry to supermarkets and restricted in the items they may buy, the work they may do and the things they may say, a small number of outspoken critics tentatively wondered ‘are we sleep walking into a police state?’

Two Comrades take an offender away for ‘self-isolation’ at a re-education centre

Lord Sumption, a former QC, caused controversy this week by asking the same question.

“When societies lose their freedom, it’s not usually because tyrants have taken it away. It’s usually because people surrender it in return for protection against an external threat. And the threat is usually real but usually exaggerated. That’s what I fear we are seeing now.”

Newly promoted Comrade O Malley, Special Agent For Truth, formerly Police Constable O Malley of the Cheshire force, responded to the former judge’s words. “There is no such thing as freedom so how can it be taken away? Instead of freedom, there is social burden, which can never be taken away. At this great time in our motherland’s history each and every prol must attend to their social burden.”

Lord Sumption told a BBC World at One interviewer that the pressure on politicians to introduce a police state had come from the public. “They wanted action. They didn’t pause to ask whether the action would work. They didn’t ask whether the cost would be worth paying. And anyone who has studied history will recognise here the classic symptoms of collective hysteria.”

“We are working ourselves up into a lather in which we exaggerate the threat and stop asking ourselves whether the cure may be worse than the disease.”

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