The Coronavirus is a real-life movie in many ways, just without the actors, director, camera crew and food van. No surprise, then, that the viral outbreak has motivated a raft of writers and directors to create movies based on or inspired by the crisis.
We’ve cornered some of the film industry’s biggest names for an exclusive look into their current C19 inspired projects.
Hirami is a Bollywood film director who makes unique and groundbreaking movies for a largely Indian audience. He outlined the plot for the movie he intends to make just as soon as he’s allowed out of his house in Delhi.
“The movie starts with Subhash, a hairy chested macho man with a floppy moustache dancing around a room full of beautiful girls.”
“There then follows a scene in which Subhash dances across the city with a plethora of beautiful girls. He has a sword fight with the villain, Gurpreet, a hairy chested macho man with a floppy moustache, then rescues Nilaya from Gurpreet’s clutches.”
“In the end, Nilaya falls in love with Subhash and the film concludes with the pair dancing, surrounded by beautiful girls.”
Hirani is calling his movie “The Coronavirus” and says production will take approximately two days.
Michael Bay, director of the Transformers movies, Miami Vice and The Island is fired up about making a gritty and moody movie based on the Coronavirus. He gave us a synopsis for his latest project which will be called simply “The Covid 19”.
“The movie opens on a moodily lit Miami. A gritty crew of smart talking bank robbers are getting ready to rob a bank when the ground explodes and a robot, which was buried under the Earth six thousand years ago by the Sumerians, rampages through the city.”
“A rough-around-the-edges cop, played by Al Pacino, must then hunt down the bank robbers while trying not to get blown up by special forces who, in turn, are hunting the killer robot.”
“At some point aliens invade and then Pacino, the robbers and the robot must work together to rescue America. Would you like some coke?”
Bay estimates the movie will cost $6 billion to make.
Roth, who is best known for his grindhouse horror movies including Trailer Trash, Cabin Fever and Grindhouse, says his ‘head is spinning’ with new ideas inspired by the Coronavirus.
“I have this awesome idea that a bunch of redneck killers corner an innocent couple in a motel in the middle of nowhere and dismember them in a variety of grisly ways.”
“A rough-around-the-edges cop arrives in town and the redneck killers dismember him in a variety of grisly ways.”
“After that, a family drive up to the motel in a mobile home and the redneck killers dismember them in a variety of grisly ways.”
Roth says the movie will be called Grindtrashbloodbathcoronavirus and defended the amount of grisly slayings as ‘artistically necessary’.
“The Coronavirus itself is grisly. I won’t water down my art just because some people don’t find the torture of innocent human beings entertaining.”
J J Abrams
Abrams is known for his action-packed thrill rides which fill cinemas and generate vast amounts of money for coke-snorting movie moguls. The director of Star Trek and Mission Impossible told us he has a great idea inspired by the Coronavirus crisis.
“The movie opens on a moodily lit Los Angeles. A crew of smart talking bank robbers are getting ready to rob a bank when the ground explodes and a robot, which was buried under the Earth six thousand years ago by the Sumerians, rampages through the city.”
“A rough-around-the-edges cop, played by Tom Cruise, must then hunt down the bank robbers while trying not to get blown up by special forces who, in turn, are hunting the killer robot.”
“At some point aliens invade and then Cruise, the robbers and the robot must work together to rescue America. There will be lens flares. A lot of lens flares.”
Abrams estimates the movie will cost $90 billion to produce.
Closet goth, Tim Burton, says he’s ‘literally spinning on the spot’ with new ideas based on the Coronavirus outbreak and shared one of his new ideas with us.
“Darkly McDark Darko the Black, who Burton hopes will be played by Johnny Depp, is a darkly disturbed character who writes emo poetry and directs darkly gothic movies for a living.”
“He falls in love with Casandra Halloween, played by Christina Ricci, a darkly disturbed mortician who collects blood and corpses.”
“The pair accidentally fall into a dark alternate dimension where they have a series of darkly disturbing adventures in the dark and eventually find their way back to the real world by finding the true meaning of love or something.”
Burton says the movie will be his ‘blackest’ yet and will use ‘more black paint, black eyeliner and black wigs than any other movie in the history of movies’.
Connected director, Martin Scorcese, says he intends to highlight the plight of Italian Irish Americans in New York during the Coronavirus outbreak in a movie he calls, “Sicilian Vendetta of Mafia Italy Pizza.”
“Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro play two mafia bosses at the head of two Italian Irish American families fighting over the same turf.”
“When Pacino becomes a godfather and DeNiro doesn’t, the feud erupts into a bloodbath with both families turning the streets of New York into a warzone.”
“Pacino must decide where his loyalties lie and ultimately is forced to kill his own brother to save his sister from his mother’s cousin who just got made by the overarching ruling Sicilian family whose godfather controls both families.”
“In the end DeNiro must decide where his loyalties lie by killing his own cousin to save his brother’s niece from getting killed by his mother’s uncle (twice removed).”
Scorsese describes the film as his Coronavirus ‘magnum opus’ and hopes the film will draw much needed attention to the city of New York which, he says, doesn’t get shown in movies nearly enough.