Concern for Middle Aged Men Unable to Drive Penis Extensions in C19 Crisis

Concerns have been voiced by the head of a UK mental health watchdog that middle aged men who are unable to go out and drive around in their big, expensive cars during the Coronavirus lockdown may subsequently suffer from an inability to prove how super massive their cocks are.

Government guidelines for locking down and staying safe advises anyone from making unecessary journeys, which has forced many men between the ages of 40 and 70 to stay at home instead of revving the engines of their Ford Raptors and Porsche Boxters when driving past young blonde women.

A man displays his car and his penis which are, effectively, the same thing

Silver haired letharios who drive BMW M6s and Mazda MX-5s past their local college at chucking out time will no longer be able to prove to female students how unbelievably colossal their genitalia is.


Keith Billington, a 58 year old property developer from South Shields, who recently purchased a white Vauxhall VXR8 GTS, said, “the car is just sitting out there on the drive. The only woman who sees it now is the wife and she already knows about my sexual prowess.”

“How am I supposed to prove my virility and wealth to the female half of the population now? I shudder to think of all those tight buttocked sorts leaving their pilates classes and not seeing me staring at them in the car park.”

The Range Rover Evoque ‘look’ as sported by every single Range Rover Evoque driver when passing within 100 metres of anything female, regardless of the species.

John Harris, a 52 year old company director who owns an Audi A5 cabriolet, said, “I lose sleep thinking about the number of younger male drivers I can’t now tailgate then rev past on the dual carriageway using Sport mode. They must think I’m slower than them.”


The watchdog also raised concerns that many young, attractive women who might otherwise be leered at by grey-haired CEOs in their Jaguar XFs are not getting the male attention they need in order to know how young and attractive they are.

Gary Box, the 59 year old chairman of Mental Health UK, who himself drives a convertible Bentley Continental GTC with cream leather interior, said, “a lot of nubile young fillies rely on us older stallions to remind them how delicious they are.”

“A wolf whistle or a pinch on the arse are all well and good, but there’s nothing (I imagine) as complimentary to a college-age temptress than a mature buck in his Continental GTC with the roof down. Am I right?”

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