The public are being urged to emerge from their lock-down homes and play ‘the world’s tiniest violin’ in honour of The Sun which is verging on bankruptcy as a result of the Coronavirus.
The Sun have begged the public to keep buying its daily upchuck of racism, right wing propaganda and tits as newspaper sales plummet during the crisis.
The public responded with an outpouring of indifference, with literally nobody taking to social media in their droves to call for measures that might save ‘tomorrow’s fish & chips wrapper’.
Wrinkly ball-bag and Russian slave, Rupert Murdoch, is believed to be deeply unhappy about the gradual disintegration of his news empire which many blame for whipping up UK nationalism during the Brexit campaign and 2019 election.
Those close to the evil, vomit-inducing cockwomble, whose meddling in modern politics pushed the nation into a furore of racism and delusion, say he has aged dreadfully in recent weeks. Those who are less close to him suggest he couldn’t look any worse than he already did.
Shameless ‘lady of the night’ Jordan (aka Katie Price) is also believed to be devastated by the news, saying “where am I supposed to display my chesticles now?”
The playing of tiny violins will take place immediately after applause for NHS and key workers who are selflessly placing themselves on the front line in the country’s fight against Covid 19.
The Conservative government recently joined the Thursday demonstration of support, clapping outside Number 10 and showing their appreciation for all those doctors, nurses and hospital workers who somehow managed to survive devastating Tory cuts over the last ten years.
A Number 10 insider said, “these selfless heroes are putting themselves in harms way for us. Well, not us because we’d all go private, but you know… the public. We sincerely appreciate everything they are doing and have decided not to squeeze the NHS dry again until all this is over.”
On the subject of The Sun’s financial difficulties, the insider said, “Murdoch showed real loyalty during the 2019 general election, so naturally we’ll stand by and watch him sink.”