Instances of Keir Starmer to Increase (Moderate to Fair) Beige Tailwinds Expected

Parliament will reconvene after the Easter break this week, with Ministers meeting in a virtual setting using remote web-cams as the ongoing Coronavirus crisis continues to demand unprecedented measures for social distancing.

Instances of Keir Starmer, the new Labour leader, are expected to increase significantly with a moderate to fair chance of holding the Conservative government to account.

The likelihood of Boris Johnson is very low, so expect a greatly increased chance of Gove, Hancock, Sunak and Patel.

An increased likelihood of lying bastards

Beige tailwinds are also likely as a warm front toward centric politics moves in from the left, with Starmer forecast to maintain a steady low pressure standpoint against government ineptitude.

Starmer – whose scrutiny of the government’s response to Covid 19 has thus far been light to variable – is predicted to remain dull and grey for most, with an increased chance of Blairite agendas offering a patch of sunlight for some.

The Labour party is likely to see a period of unsettled conditions as a cold front sweeps in from socialist regions, bringing with it a risk of stormy weather which is likely to cause some disruption.


The Conservatives, on the other hand, can expect to enjoy some unbroken sunshine with an increased chance of gusty winds as Tory Ministers lie about PPE supplies and care homes.

Temperatures are set to rise in the coming week with unsettled patches as the Tories face their first serious ministerial questions since lock down, but Starmer is unlikely to dominate the outlook and is expected to remain mostly soggy.

Expect the worst of the storm front to roll in from Ian Blackford, John McDowell, Rebecca Long-Bailey, Annaliesse Dodds and Nick Thomas-Symonds.

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