Priti Patel to be Given Superhero Status After Reducing March/April Crime Rates

Priti Patel, the UK’s intellectually challenged Home Secretary, is to be granted super-heroine status and given a snazzy costume after she single handedly managed to reduce crime rates, including shop lifting, mugging and knife crime, during March and April.

Patel will be the first Parliamentarian to ever be transformed into a superhero and speculation is now rife about what her costume will look like and what her special powers will be.

Priti Patel’s costume is likely to be based on Taking Back Control

The Home Secretary, who recently announced that three hundred thousand and thirty four, nine hundred and seventy four thousand Coronavirus tests had been carried out in the UK, proudly announced a 21% drop in national crime rates today.

A Tory spokesman commented on today’s shoplifting figures, saying, “Thanks to Priti’s amazing crime-fighting Home Secretary skills crime rates have fallen, not just in the UK, but across the whole world.”

The superhero moniker under which Patel will fight crime was to be decided by the general public, but a poll on the YouGov website was closed after ‘Blunder Woman, Blooper Girl and Crap Widow made the top three.

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