Wombles of Wimbledon Given ASBO on Gang Related Charges

The Wombles of Wimbledon Common have been slammed with an ASBO by metropolitan police following a string of drug and gang related crimes in and around the Wimbledon area.

The Wombles have been accused of flouting lock-down laws by wandering underground and overground despite strict government guidelines on the use of recreational areas by members of the public.

A police spokesman said, “things have come to a head. We suspected the Wombles had been making good use of the things that they find; things that the everyday folks leave behind, by turning random litter into meth using methods they learned on a ‘fact finding’ trip to Colombia.”

The Womble Cartel, throwing gang signs in a picture posted to their website SW19crew.co.uk

An underground meth lab thought to be operated by the Wombles was raided on Saturday morning and several Wombles were arrested, including an individual referred to as ‘Uncle Bulgaria’ whom police believe is the head of the Wimbledon cartel.

Police said, “with the cooperation of an anonymous inside informant, we’ve been running a surveillance operation called ‘Project Tobermory’, monitoring the activities of the London-based gang over the course of several months. This culminated last week in the closing down of a major meth lab and the arrest of some main players.”

The ASBOS (Anti-Social Behaviour Orders) have been given to all prominent members of the gang in a bid to stop them gathering on Wimbledon Common.


Uncle Bulgaria, Madame Cholet (who police allege cooked the meth), Orinoco, Wellington, Tomsk, Bungo and the weird Scottish one will appear before magistrates this week in a landmark hearing expected to last several months.

“Bulgaria and his cohorts are going down,” Police Commissioner Cressida Dick said in a press statement today, “we’ve been all over these bastards like a rash since January and finally had enough shit on their movements to bust down doors and crack some skulls. This will definitely break the back of the so-called SW19 Crew.”

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