Rick Astley Allegedly Gives Up Wife, Lets Her Down, Runs Around and Deserts Her

Rick Astley, made famous by the song ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ has reportedly given up his wife of 65 years, Lene Astley, letting her down, running around and deserting her.

A spokesman for Astley said the rumours were untrue and unfounded, but many fans were nevertheless devastated by the news today, which paints the 80s crooner in a bad light.

Rick Astley – never gonna give, never gonna give, give you up

In a statement today Astley said, “what are you talking about? I’m very happy with my wife. Where did you hear this rumour?”

Meanwile Lene Astley insisted the rumours are false and that she and her husband have ‘never been happier’.

Friends of the couple told the Daily Shunt that the rumours are ‘utterly wrong’ and that ‘Rick would never make Lene cry or say goodbye’.

Though there appears to be no substantiating evidence behind the rumours, the singer is believed to have told a lie and hurt his wife with the first lady, Melania Trump, meeting in a series of illicit trysts in and around the Scottish region of Inverness.

Melania Trump – her heart’s been aching but, she’s too shy to say it

Melania, who is famously married to the most powerful and stupid man in the world, Donald Trump, is said to have taken a number of private flights to Scotland in order to enjoy sordid weekends of unspeakable depravity with the fresh faced new romantic.

Those close to Melania said the claims were ‘ridiculous’ today, stating that Trump’s wife has never even been to the United Kingdom except on very rare official visits with her husband.

But Jock McSpudden, a local character who has spent much of his life in and out of prison and is a professional UFO and crop circle investigator, sparked the rumours when he saw both Astley and Melania performing lewd sex acts with each other on the back of the Loch Ness Monster.


“Och aye, th’were a wicked wee pair ‘n nay mistake,” Jock told local drinkers at a pub near the loch on Saturday night, where he is known as Mad Old Jock One Leg.

“Th’ wee laddie wus givin’ it up a’right, lettin’ her doon an’ runnin’ her aroond. I wouldnee call wit he wus doin’ to the lass desertin’ her, though. It wus enough ta mek yer eeeballs watah.”

A number of national newspapers, including the Sun and the Daily Mail, have offered Jock a large sum for an exclusive interview, with the story likely to hit the headlines in many of tomorrow’s tabloids.

Meanwhile, Astley and his wife have been keeping a low profile in their Surrey mansion, with no clear indication whether Astley’s infidelity will lead to a very messy and public divorce.

Jerry Scott, founder of the Rick Astley Fan Club, said today, “fans are literally broken by this news. But Rick and Lene are a strong couple and we’re all rooting for them. We love you Rick and we’ll certainly never give you up, let you down, run around and/or desert you.”

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