The Daily Mail, propaganda wing of the liberal capitalist party in charge of the country, are expected to launch a campaign this week to rename the teaching profession ‘snowflake sector’.
The move is expected to come following last week’s announcement that schools will reopen as early as June 1st and that teachers are largely sceptical about such a sudden change in government lock down measures.
The stark shift in Coronavirus mitigation plans was immediately snubbed by Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland and condemned internationally last week, raising concerns from teachers, unions and parents.
The Mail is expected to call for its readers to recognise that teachers hate their own country, are largely lazy, self serving communist oxygen wasters and should be relabelled ‘snowflakes’ for not agreeing to unconditionally accept a need to ‘go over the top’ with ‘bayonets fixed’.
The campaign, which will be called ‘White Feathers For the Faculty’ will require all school staff be shaved with a blunt razor, their clothes replaced with standard issue burlap sacks and their wages donated to heroic NHS staff.
A Daily Mail insider who leaked news of the upcoming campaign said,
“The term ‘teacher’ no longer describes what these creatures are and what they do. Maybe in the good old days, when the Third Reich was but a glorious seed blossoming on the altar of potential. But these days teachers are just slaves of the communist propaganda machine intent on destroying Britain and the British way of life.”
Teaching unions came under heavy fire from the Daily Mail last week when they stepped in to defend the concerns of teachers, demanding greater clarity on the science behind the government’s decision to reopen schools.
The Mail initially described teachers as heroes, blocked from throwing themselves upon the pyre of patriotism by greedy and corrupt unions. But the tone of the newspaper changed when teachers revealed they mostly agreed with unions and were unwilling to make martyrs of themselves and their families.
The Daily Mail insider said, “this is just typical of a sector infested by namby-pamby, weak wristed socialist snowflakes. Just think of all those bull-necked, red blooded NHS workers who happily threw themselves on the grenade for the rest of us.”
“Well, sorry teachers, but now it’s your turn. And the turn of your families. And then the turn of someone else. Garden centre workers probably. Or vets. I’ve always had my doubts about them. What normal person willingly sticks their hand up a horse’s bottom?”