Greta Thunberg Reveals Personal Struggle as 3rd Daughter of Thanos

Climate change activist, scourge of middle-aged men who read the Daily Mail and controversial firebrand, Greta Thunberg, shocked the world today by revealing she is the third daughter of cosmic super-villain, Thanos.

The pint-sized activist who, like many of her father’s progeny, is attempting to save the world from destruction, described her father as ‘complicated’.

“He’s a good man, really. He wants the same thing as me – a better world for future generations. I’m trying to achieve this through political and sociological channels while Thanos is using a magic glove.”

In an exclusive interview with Empire magazine, Thunberg said, “Gamora and Nebula were against this decision to reveal my true identity. They said I’d spoil the aesthetic in photo montages. But I think the truth is more important than striking a dramatic pose in front of explosions.”

Sibling rivalry – Gamora and Nebula more concerned about ‘looking hot’ than the threat posed by global warming

Thunberg revealed that her eugenicist father never imposed upon her the same kind of pressure to conform as he forced upon her two sisters (one of whom was adopted and then murdered by the space-age outlaw while the other was tortured and turned into a cyborg).

Of her sisters, Thunberg said, “Gamora was kind of supportive of what I was doing, at least until Daddy threw her off a cliff. But Nebula has always been dead set against my activism. She’s tried to kill me on multiple occasions, which is kind of how we work things out in our family.”

Daily Shunt regular and self-styled Gammon of the People, Steve Gobs, said of the news, “I dunt get it. R we takin the piss out of this snot nosed no-it-all or wot?”

Meanwhile, Deberah Jacks, a 28 year old student nurse from Bury and a fan of Thunberg said, “this was quite a nice article really. At first I was worried the Daily Shunt were going to do a racism or misogyny, but it wasn’t too bad. I’m still not sure if the article is pro or anti Thunberg. I would quite like some clarity.”

The Daily Shunt were unavailable for comment today, but Thanos, who was recently offered employment on the editorial team, said, “when it comes to little Greta, you either love her or hate her. She’s like whatever the Swedish version of Marmite is.”

“Her heart’s in the right place. At least for now. I’ve been toying with the idea of moving it to her leg so I can install an extra brain in the chest cavity.”

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