Liam Gallagher, the self professed god of music, today turned the UK media on its head by using a rude swear word in public.
Gallagher, who shot to fame through the group Oasis and has since ebbed into drug-addled obscurity with a series of exceptionally bad songs and a new group nobody ever heard of, said the word ‘fuck’ during an interview with outdated and irrelevant music magazine, New Music Express.
The Queen, who has famously never said a swear in her life, denounced the expletive as ‘uncalled for’ while Prime Minister Boris Johnson called on NME to ban the front-man from all future editions and called Gallagher a “foul mouthed cunt sprocket.”
Liam Gallagher, the vocal star behind such universal hits as Wonderwall and Cigarettes and Alcohol, has long exploited his image as the bad-boy of music, but critics say this latest stunt goes too far.
Daily Express music correspondent, David Elstree, said, “Gallagher can be amusing in his own way. Everyone here at the Express found it very funny when all his hair fell out, for example. But this is just pushing the envelope too far. He’s a filthy little shit stain and if he was my son I’d wash his mouth out with soap then beat him to within inches of his life.”
Music analyst and piano tuner Greg Tiffany also commented, saying, “there was a time when I admired Liam for his maverick approach to the music industry and his refusal to conform. But his insistence on using naughty words is beginning to wear a bit thin.”
“He should, instead, attempt to just be kind, like that Love Island tart who topped herself after beating the ever living shit out of her boyfriend.”
Noel Gallagher, estranged brother to the potty-mouthed former vocalist and hard-man of Indy Pop, Liam, said, “doesn’t surprise me. He’s always been a cock gobbling fuckwit, opening his cesspit mouth when he should keep it firmly shut. It may sound harsh, but I hope he gets all the diabetes and his dog is run over by a bus.”
Liam, who made his most recent fortune designing clothes for tramps who live in Manchester, responded to the criticism today by saying, “everyone at the Daily Shunt is getting shivved in no particularly fucking order.”