300 Test subjects aged between 18 and 70 will be given a new Covid-19 vaccine this week as part of clinical trials. Scientist say they expect to either see a positive reduction in deadly symptoms or superhero origin stories.
Researchers at Imperial College London said the healthy volunteers will receive two doses of the new vaccine over the coming weeks. They hope tests could then move on to 6000 further volunteers if they see an effective immune response.
However, Doctor Jill Meadows, who will be leading the trial, said, “if we see superhero origin stories unfolding instead, we’ll need to think again.”
Medical experts involved in the trial say there’s a slight chance the vaccine could trigger internal mutations leading to super powers. Professor Darren Xander, of ICL said:
“We’ve already heard that one of the test subjects recently had a run in with bank robbers in which he was unable to prevent the robbery due to being ‘just a skinny kid’. Another extraordinarily heavily muscled test subject told us his parents were murdered by street thugs when he was a kid and he’s had a strange phobia of flying rodents ever since.”
“This unusual high propensity of early-onset origin stories suggests the coming trials could result in super power mutations, leading to a new generation of supers. If that’s the case, we’ll need to abandon the trials and start from scratch because our aim here is to vaccinate against Covid-19, not create an assembly of caped crusaders who will fight for truth, justice and the American way.”
Jimmy Smithson, an oddly muscular kid whose uncle was killed in a street robbery when Jimmy failed to stop the robber leaving the scene of the crime, and one of six hundred due to participate in the trials, told the Daily Shunt he’s very much looking forward to doing his bit, saying, “with great power comes great responsibility.”
Professor Xander, who was passing at the time in his wheelchair, said, “what did you just say?”
To which Smithson replied innocently, “nothing,” then winked at our reporter.