UK Public Battle Coronavirus by Stabbing Each Other and Eating Ice Cream

The Great British public this week made a concerted effort to battle the prospect of a second wave of Coronavirus by swarming en-masse to British beaches, attempting to murder one another with knives and eating record amounts of ice-cream, Calypsos and Cornettos.

As the government this week signalled a wholesale easing of lock down measures, including the reopening of shops, businesses and tourist hotspots, the British public responded by squeezing into last year’s ill-fitting swimming trunks and loping off to the nearest beach.

Dumb animals in the sea this week along with three horses

A number of incidents were reported yesterday as fights broke out on overcrowded beaches, including a skirmish involving knives in which three people were injured.

Dorset Councillor Laura Miller, who voiced her frustrations today over visitors coming to Dorset’s Durdle Dor beach, said she had been sworn at and spat at.

Miller said the vast majority of beach-goers were young people who most likely spotted the Dorset beauty spot on the social networking app Snapchat.


She said: “It’s groups of young lads. I hate to say it but it’s different people coming down. You used to get families and extended families but now it’s big party groups.”

“People were breaking into the fields and these aren’t the people that would book a camp site if they were open, they are driving down four or five hours to do this.”

On Thursday, three men in their 20s were stabbed when a fight broke out on Bournemouth pier. Police say the victims were from London and were admitted to hospital with ‘non life-threatening injuries’.


Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole Council have meanwhile declared a major incident, condemning “irresponsible” behaviour by crowds of sun worshippers who gridlocked roads, dumped rubbish and parked illegally.

Extra police patrols are expected over the weekend with additional security for refuse crews who reportedly faced “widespread abuse and intimidation” as they emptied overflowing bins yesterday.

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