Black Man Condemned for Pointing Child at Innocent Heavily Armed Cop

An innocent American cop who was merely doing his duty at a Black Lives Matter demonstration in Long Beach California when he drew his weapon on peaceful protesters has been hailed a hero after he faced down a tall black man armed with a child.

The cop, who was thankfully in possession of a non-lethal beanbag gun, levelled his weapon at a black father who had stupidly brought his child to the peaceful protest.

American All Lives Matter activist, Bubba Jones, said, “you don’t bring a goddamn kid to a goddamn violent protest. That kid should be taken off that man and handed over to social security. I mean, you wouldn’t go swimmin’ with your kid in waters infested with great white sharks would ya?”

When asked if Jones was comparing American cops to one of the deadliest sharks in the world, Jones replied, “no man, not at all. But if that black dude wanted to keep his kids safe from cops he shouldn’t take his kid near cops, you feel me?”


When asked if Jones was insinuating that children are not safe in the presence of American cops, Jones replied, “no man, not at all. But this was a demonstration. You can’t expect the cops to keep their weapons in their holsters.”

When asked if Jones was saying that cops had every right to draw weapons at a peaceful protest attended by children and families, Jones said, “no man, not at all. And also, that cop was pointing his weapon at someone to the left of the black dude. It’s just a perspective trick.”

When asked if Jones was comfortable with a cop brandishing a lethal-at-close-range firearm within three feet of a toddler, regardless of the target, Jones said, “ain’t the Daily Shunt a British satire page? Stay out of American politics, man.”

When asked if Jones believed Black Lives Matter was a uniquely American issue, Jones said, “no man, not at all. You guys have your own black issues. Look at all them statues getting torn down and blacks marchin’ through London like they own the place. It’s an international problem.”

Black lives are an ‘international issue’ that many feel must be confronted

A spokesman for the Long Beach Police Department said a full investigation would be launched into why a black man was at the protest and why he seemed to have ‘what appeared to be a minor’ on his shoulders.

Officer Billy-Bo-Bob Buckaroo said, “there ain’t no way that kid was his own. Black Americans don’t go nowhere near their kids in case their baby mothers start askin’ them for maintenance payments. So we’re probably lookin’ at a case of kidnapping as well as child endangerment and aggravated assault and, probably, several outstanding warrants.”

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