The Daily Mail have published an image of the British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, impregnating the invisible woman under the mistaken assumption they were catching the UK premier performing ‘press ups’.
The invisible woman, one of the few women Johnson hasn’t yet impregnated, today confirmed that she was indeed the unlucky lady trapped under the thrusting body of the morally challenged Etonian.
Asked what the experience was like, the invisible woman said, “it was like being pinned under a semi-inflated lilo filled with sick while a goat with halitosis licks your face.”
The invisible woman said that Johnson was not an attentive lover and could only achieve completion by glancing repeatedly at a portrait of Dominic Cummings.
Johnson, who is so virile he can impregnate women up to fifty metres away, confirmed today that the invisible woman is filled with his demon seed, but said it was ‘not something to dwell on’ and that the matter was ‘deemed to be closed’.
The leader of the Tory administration, who was recently blamed for an unprecedented population explosion within the London boroughs, has purportedly reduced the number of women he gets pregnant to just six a week in a bid to prove his loyalty to current girlfriend, Carrie Symonds.
The city of Leicester was placed on lock down today after coach loads of strangely ugly blonde children were seen being driven across county lines and deposited in Leicester city centre. Some believe this may have something to do with recent applications for child support from some of Johnson’s previous girlfriends, wives, concubines and Katie Hopkins.