Comrade Boris Shits Pants as Russia Report Slips Through His Fingers

British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, and his team of wannabe dictators were this week in a state of meltdown after they failed spectacularly to position a stooge at the head of a committee which will be in charge of releasing the controversial ‘Russia Report’.

The report, which the Tories have been sitting on since before the 2019 general election, now rests in the hands of an independent committee chaired by an independent politician – the worst case scenario for Comrade Boris and his mini-me Rasputin, Dominic Cummings.

Boris ‘Not a Bolshevik’ Johnson considers the implications of the Russia Report being published in full

Boris etal originally proposed ‘Failing’ Chris Grayling to chair the Intelligence and Security Committee (ISC), a move which many described as a transparent attempt to take control of a group which is historically non-partisan.

At the last minute, Tory MP Julian Lewis swooped in as a delegate and won the position by 5 votes to 4. His victory incensed Johnson and Cummings who immediately stripped Lewis of the whip, essentially meaning Lewis will be forced to stand as an independent candidate during the next election.

The move was described as ‘psychopath politics’ and met with general outrage across the board on both sides of the House of Commons.

Former Chair of the Intelligence and Security Committee Dominic Grieve, said:

“The government simply doesn’t understand what the Intelligence and Security Committee is there to do… The statute that sets this committee up makes it quite clear that it is for the committee members at their first meeting to elect their chair. It doesn’t say ‘the party that is biggest will get the chairmanship’, indeed in the past even with nominated chairs there have been times when it’s been an opposition MP who has been the chair of the committee.”


Grieve went on to say, “what troubles me about this episode, quite apart from its utter absurdity in withdrawing the whip from Julian, who is highly respected, is the mindset it gives on what on Earth is going on in Downing Street.”

Without a complicit and willing stooge seated at the head of the committee, and with the newly elected chairperson disenfranchised from his own party, there now exists no system of checks at a governmental level on how the Russia report will be handled.

Full disclosure may well be imminent within hours or days, though the matter now rests firmly with the ISC and whether the report is published in full, heavily redacted or delayed once again remains to be seen.

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