Shocking new footage of the sun has been captured by the Solar Orbiter, a telemetry collecting space craft currently moving between Mercury and Venus.
The Solar Orbiter project, which cost $1.5 billion, has revealed astonishing data about the sun including:
- The sun is a great big fiery sphere of horror that would burn you up if you got too close
- The sun is called the sun because it emits sunshine
- The sun isn’t just made of fire but is also made of heat. If you want to know how hot the sun is, think of the hottest thing you can imagine then multiply that by a lot.
- The sun is really very big, but not even the sun is as big as the galaxy, which is approximately 100 times bigger.
Scientific boffin and handsome heart-throb, Brian Cox, who recently came first place in a ‘World’s Creepiest Dead-Eyed Smile’ listicle for GQ magazine, said of the extraordinary data:
“Being devilishly handsome is an important part of the scientific method and as an astronomer and physicist it’s even more important, especially when you want to meet ladies and have sex. I try to have sex at least ten times a day, usually with different ladies and at least half of those should be models.”
Cox went on to say, “but sometimes I save time by having sex with several ladies at the same time, thus reducing the number of times I need to have sex. Who says maths is a waste of time? I have saved myself time there using only maths!”
The Solar Orbiter is a European Space Agency (ESA) project which was launched in October 2018 from Cape Canaveral, Florida. NASA provided a launch vehicle and some of the delicate instruments on board the vessel. The project has been described as the ‘sexiest’ European space venture so far.
NASA engineer and professional male model, Carl Heisenberg, who worked on the project, explained: “I try to have sex with at least fifteen ladies per day, but working full time for NASA can sometimes get in the way. So what I do is I clone myself and then my clones have sex with the ladies. People say science is a waste of time, but I have just proven people wrong.”
Janice Moore, a relative of the late Patrick Moore, a noted astronomer and TV personality, said it was a shame Patrick was no longer alive and able to see the new data from the Solar Orbiter as she felt he would have relished the chance to know more about our nearest star.
She added, “it is probably for the best though, because Patrick was deeply unattractive and only managed to have sex with ladies up to a maximum of two times per day and very few of them were models.”
When asked if they felt $1.5 billion was a lot of money to be spending on a space vessel designed to look at something everyone on Earth can see just by looking at the sky when the European bloc is on the verge of the worst recession since records began, an ESA spokesperson said:
“I think the amount of investment reflects the sexiness of the project. Clearly the sun is a very sexy thing and sending space ships into space is sexier still. What we have done is to combine those two things, essentially doubling the sexiness. The outcome should be that everyone at the ESA and NASA will be having sex with more ladies (many of whom will be models) on a daily basis, which is money well spent when you consider how invaluable that result is to the scientific community.”