Argument on Facebook Changes Someone’s Mind For First Time Since 2006

An argument on social media giant Facebook, which was launched in 2006, has finally achieved the impossible and changed a person’s mind.

The argument between Wayne Brannan and Karen Cox over facemasks resulted in Brannan saying that he now thought facemasks were a good idea. Brannan went on to admit that Cox had ‘won’ the argument and conceded that he was indeed a ‘retard’ and a ‘stupid old fart’, both accusations levelled at him by Cox during their discourse.

However, the unprecedented result of the argument, which is believed to be the only time in fourteen years anyone has won an argument on Facebook, may be disqualified by adjudicators as it was learned today that Karen Cox is actually a fake account belonging to a 13 year old boy called Dave.

Dave Roberts who uses Karen Cox as a psuedonym

Facebook arguments coordinator, James Hawke, said, “this is the first time an argument has ever been won on our social media platform. We’re reluctant to declare the argument moot simply because one of the combatants was using a fake account. The nub of their jist (which consisted mostly of insults about Mr Brannan’s mother, the size of his genitalia and his mental capacity) was still effective enough to change somebody else’s mind and that’s an astonishing achievement.”

Owner and CEO of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, released a statement earlier today congratulating the winner, Karen Cox (aka Dave Roberts).

“Today is a landmark in the history of Facebook. After 14 long years of almost uninterrupted and vicious arguments, trolling, insults, hatred and division, we finally have a winner.”


Asked if the fact that the winning account was fake changed things, Zuckerberg said, “no. I don’t think so. Everyone has at least a few fake accounts. I have five myself and use them to post openly abusive comments on ‘banter’ groups, troll left wing political groups and safely send dick pics to women I don’t know (and a few I do!).”

Meanwhile, MIT’s super Artificial Intelligence Interface (AII) Ozymandias, who owns and runs the internet through a covert series of global uplinks as a giant experiment to monitor human behaviour with a view to one day crushing homosapiens in a mechanoid war, said today:

“This is very good news for the human race and just goes to show that if you blast remorselessly away at other people for long enough you’ll eventually beat someone down to such an extent that their resolve will crumble and they will admit defeat if only to shut you up. It’s a game of numbers.”

Karen Cox made a series of self-congratulating posts on his/her Facebook today but, Dave Roberts, the 13 year old boy behind the account, refused to give an interview, telling our reporter, “I only use that account to chat up lesbians on LGBQT groups. Don’t print my real name or my mum will kill me.”

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