Scientists Warn Amount of Sleaze Swept Under No.10 Rug Could Produce Black Hole

Scientists have warned that the unprecedented number of Tory corruption and government scandals being swept under the rug at Number 10 Downing Street could soon become so dense it may collapse in on itself and form a black hole.

As the latest outrage surrounding Robert Jenrick was ‘deemed to be a closed matter’ today, scientists said the super-dense pile of grot being swept under the Number 10 carpet was fast approaching a state of critical mass.

Astrophysicist, Professor Graham Zimmerman said, “when a pile of cronyism, shamelessness and skulduggery is packed into a finite space it soon becomes so dense that the pile collapses in on itself, creating a smut-singularity.”

Diagram c/o Bristol University

“This singularity is so heavy with scunge that it literally falls through the elastic surface of space/time and forms a black hole of scuzz, or ‘spaff-hole’ to give the phenomena its correct technical name.”

“Any truth, integrity or democratic credibility approaching the black hole is likely to get sucked over the event horizon and once beyond this point of no return, there is no going back.”


Other academics in the field have also voiced their concerns over the likelihood of a ‘spaff-hole’ opening up in the vicinity of Number 10, warning that such an event could see all propriety in London and the rest of the country sucked over the event horizon and into the singularity.

“The government must chart a new course away from the event horizon,” Prof Zimmerman warned, “and start dealing with its cock-knobbery in a politically responsible way.”

“Spaff-holes are like monsters that feed on morality, leaving a vacuum in their wake and an empty void ready to be filled by unelected tinpot dictators who want nothing more than to seize power and install themselves on the throne of power.”

Dominic Cummings was not available for comment.

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