Worst Dad in UK Says Second Worst Dad in UK ‘Only Did What a Good Dad Would’

Boris Johnson today faced the British public on national television and claimed to be the paragon of fatherhood by stating that any Dad worth his salt would surely recognise that Dominic Cummings only did what any dad good would do.

The statement divided the country this evening, with hardline Conservative voters flocking to social media to defend Cummings while the other 99% of the country called for Cummings to be sacked.

Johnson, who is believed to have six illegitimate children from past affairs – none of which he acknowledges and none of which are financially supported by Johnson – has also cheated on two wives and now has a child out of wedlock with his latest mistress.


Cummings, by comparison, has been described as a ‘terrible father’ who neglects his children and leaves their upbringing to his wife, leaving him free to concentrate on running the country.

A civil servant who wished to remain nameless said, “Cummings is a proponent of the 96 hour working week. He works all the time and he expects those who work for him to do the same. This leaves no room for work-life balance. No room for relationships. No room for kids.”

Despite Johnson and Cummings representing, possibly, the worst pair of fathers in the UK (or at least being representative of many a dead-beat dad up and down the country), Johnson arrogantly waxed lyrical during today’s press conference on his own belief that ‘any good dad’ would have done what Cummings did.

Psychologist, Anne Rose, said, “this suggests Johnson genuinely thinks of himself as a good father, which is patently absurd. Even if he dotes on his newborn son, he does so at the expense of at least six other children and three legitimate children who now live with their mother and rarely see their father at all.”

Rose added, “he is in no position to preach on the subject of good fatherly behaviour, regardless of whether or not he should even be defending the absurd actions of this Cummings character.”

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